Humor for Kids and GrownUps

RIDDLES

How did the telephone propose to his girl friend?
He gave her a ring

What shoes do spies wear?
Sneakers

What did the big watch hand say to the little watch hand?
"Don't go away, I'll be back in an hour."

Why do people work as bakers?
Because they knead the dough.

Why did the kid put his clock in the oven.
He wanted to have a hot time.

When is the moon not hungry?
When it is full!

How do you make gold soup?
Add 14 carrots!

Why did the man put a clock under his desk?
He wanted to work overtime.

When did the fly fly?
When the spider spied her.

PUNS

"What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"
"Golfing with friends, my dear." "What? At 2 a.m.?!" "Yes, We used
night clubs."

GROANERS & SHAGGY PUPPY STORIES

Sister Margaret had spent weeks preparing the first grade children for
their First Communion, stressing the solemnity and importance of this
sacrament. Much to her chagrin, during Mass on the big day, one boy in
the front row was talking and giggling nonstop. Finally, unable to put
up with it any longer, she whispered to the lad seated next to her,
"Please go up there and tell that one he's done enough talking and had
better stop, right now!" Without question, the boy rose and walked to
the front... and delivered Sister Margaret's message to the surprised
priest in the middle of his sermon!

Customer: "Do you have any cockroaches?" Clerk: "Yes, we sell them to
the fishermen." "I would like 20,000 of them." "What would you want
with 20,000 cockroaches?" "I'm moving tomorrow and my lease says I
must leave my apartment in the condition in which I found it."

A police officer stops a blond for speeding and asks her very nicely
if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys
could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license
and then today you expect me to show it to you."

OTHER HUMOR

My wife is so talented. She does the best bird imitations. She watches
me like a hawk.

A third grade teacher was getting to know her pupils on the first day
of school. She turned to one little girl and asked, "What does your
Daddy do?" The girl replied, "Whatever my Mommy tells him to do."

To run an electrical shop, you need a vol ting ambition to take charge.
(Mike Bull

Britain is a wet place since the queen has had a long reign.

Confucius say "Man who sneezes without hunky takes matters into his
own hands.